pjrm94:

the last place I wanted to be was home
some nights I slept out on the streets and on rooftops I knew where easy to get into at night
it was almost as if the door to my home was a portal into a demonic mental mess
I would feel drained every time I walked in the door and Id feel numb as Id walk to my room where I would continued to sit in silence
some nights I would bang my head against the wall to feel something
I was clearly not normal
I wrote messages in my blood on my wall one night I did go a bit overboard sometimes but
the same night I had a gun held to my head a robbed for everything I had
I still feel most days my family isn’t my family
I love them no matter what because we grew up together but I feel so detached and not at all like them
and I’ve felt that way for as long as I can remember
I still barely know them and I don’t understand what there’s goals are for anything it seems as if they have no purpose to want to live yet I scream silently because I’m not living enough
and i keep every memory
and I still feel the aura of people I’ve loved over time come over me
I have no control over it and it’s comforting when I’m alone but equally as terrifying
I don’t know why I’m saying this but I feel as if I can’t lie about anything and this is all of who I am that people I think don’t see so here’s another piece to the puzzle that it is I I think being more honest about yourself can cut many ties you have with yourself and almost completely remove insecurity for I think a while I’ve been trying to be a version of something that not me but the more I grow and the more I learn about not only myself but the world it’s that you literally just have to be you and tell it like it is and if you make the most if it great if you fail I guess try again when you’re back here..